What to do with love this big? Pt.2

Hi, my love,

How are you, and how was last week for you? How is the week going? I hope your mind is at peace. My holiday is slowly coming to an end and—don’t look at me weird—I’m excited to go back to school. I’ve been kind of unproductive during this holiday, amidst all the house-girl duties and my laziness. Someone on Twitter said she loves being in school more than at home because that’s where she gets things done the most, and I think I agree with her. The comfort I feel in this house has proven to be one of the weapons fashioned against me. So, it’s time to stand on business.

One good thing about this holiday, though—I readddd. And not my school books, oh, but I readddd. I think I read 13 good books during this holiday. I also developed a deeper inclination toward old canon literature and world history. I’m just hoping Pharmacy school won’t take this away from me.

Hallelujah Challenge was another good part! And my love, is it not quite diabolical that these NEPA people didn’t give us light any of the nights during this Hallelujah Challenge, but guess who had light through the night yesterday?

Yes, you guessed right.😂

Me and my household.

Haha, the devil is a liar!

Anyway, it’s raining right now, and it’s kind of exciting because it’s my favorite season.

So, why am I writing to you almost 24 hours after I sent my last letter?

I was just going through the day, doing my normal stuff, bed-rotting and the likes, when the Holy Spirit answered the question that was the title of yesterday’s letter—and still today’s letter.

“What to do with love this big?”

"Pour it back into Me."

At first, it felt kind of inconsiderate because, I mean, no hard feelings, my Lord and Savior, but I was just ranting and yapping about the kind of heart YOU gave me? What’s this one again nau?😭

Then I sat with it, and I realized that He was right. Of course, He’s always right, but you get me, yeah?

I went through yesterday’s piece so many times, and I honestly think it was so beautiful, but it kind of occurred to me that I don’t even channel this large, ever-burning love of mine to my Lord the way I do to these little humans. And this made me realize that perhaps the true reason the world can’t accept my “too much” love is because, primarily, it was NEVER meant for them. GOD gave me this heart that loves this way only for the sole purpose of loving HIM.

No wonder it was too much for them. No wonder.

I think it’s quite sad that I have spent a larger portion of my life begging and literally forcing this love of mine down people’s throats when the original and true recipient has always been right by my side. I have expressed myself more to people who felt burdened with my “expression” than to God, who sees me more than anyone ever could.

It’s sad. Really sad.

I just can’t help but wonder why it’s so easy for us to chase this plastic form of love and acceptance when the standard is right by our side. Is it the enemy that has blinded us so much? Has the human condition made us believe that real love has to be earned and pursued, that acceptance that isn’t begged for is not valid?

Another lady on Twitter said that one way she checks for flaws in the way she relates with others is by looking at how she relates with God. She said if it’s difficult for her to keep to prayer times due to procrastination and all, best believe she’s most likely not paying attention to the people in her life that much either. It made too much sense. When I start loving God properly, human connections won’t be this hard for me. When I start loving God properly, it won’t feel like I’m doing too much or too little with or for people—I’ll just do it right.

See, my love, our sole purpose here on earth is to love God. Every other form of love comes after. It’s actually no surprise now that, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength” came before “Love your neighbor as yourself.”

I guess, this is where my answer has been all along. That love was never something to force or shrink or apologize for. That love—this love, my love—was always meant to find its truest form in Him first. And in pouring it into Him, I will never run dry.❤️