What to do with a love this big?

An Overfeeler's Dilemma.

I am full of so much love.

I am full of so much love that I think I might combust. This love pools in my chest like molten gold, thick and restless, pressing against my ribs, knocking against bone, asking to be let out. I feel it in my throat, a pressure, a tremor, a spark waiting for friction. I think if I am not careful, I will go up in flames.

I am full of so much love and I try to hold it in. Try to ration it, like pouring sunlight through a straw, but my love does not know how to be small. It spills over the edges, drips from my fingertips, lingers in my voice. It is liquid, it is light, it is heat—insistent and wild, slipping through the cracks no matter how tightly I press my hands together.

I am full of so much of love and I worry that I come off too strong. That I am handing people the sun when they only asked for a candle. So I practice restraint. I fold my hands around myself, I bite my tongue, I tuck love into the quiet spaces between my ribs and tell it to behave. But my love does not like to be caged. It hums beneath my skin, thrums against my pulse, rises like steam.

I am full of so much love that if I opened my mouth too wide, love would come spilling out, unchecked, unfiltered. A tidal wave. A wildfire. A storm with no warning.

I am full of so much love and I'm afraid. My fear is not that I love too much, but that the world has never learned how to hold something this big without trying to make it smaller.

I am full of so much love and sometimes, rarely, unexpectedly, I find spaces where I do not feel like too much. Where nobody flinches when love spills over or try to cup it in trembling hands, afraid of the burn. Spaces where my love is allowed to touch, to warm and to settle between us like something that belongs.

I do not have to ration it in these spaces. I do not have to measure my affection in teaspoons, afraid of making a mess. Here, love does not have to be small. It does not have to be quiet. It does not have to apologize for its size.

There is a kind of peace in being understood, in feeling, just for once, that I do not have to be careful with how much I give.

I am full of so much love and in those moments, I do not feel like an overflowing cup, a wildfire, a storm with no warning. I am simply allowed to be. I am simply me.

I am full of so much love and this is all I’ve ever wanted.