To the Heart that Wanders.
God is Home.
I hate saying this, but that's just the way I am.
You know you sound like them, right?
I know, I know. but that's just the truth.
This. This is how I am.
burning heart today, once I discover something new.
but by the third day, fatigue sets in.
almost impossible to keep up with the pace I started with.
by the time it's a week, oh, the fireplace is already as cold as Bingo's nose.
So, that's the way you're wired, is that your excuse now?
No, no, no, don't get me wrong.
I'm not making excuses, I'm just stating a fact.
Many truths can coexist.
That's how I am but that doesn't mean I'm not willing to work on myself.
I just don't know how to, for now.
See, I've always been like this.
First, it was writing.
As a child, I wrote a lot of stories., I think a lot of us did tho…
But you still write now, abi? What's your point?
You didn't even let me finish.
But, yes, I do.
I still write
and I think I'll always write, till my very last breath,
but it's a lot of work.
My point is the reason I write now is not why I wrote before.
I don't even think I had a reason to write,
I could just do it.
Oh.
Yes.
Next, it was drawing.
My brain sometimes erases things that I think I need and want to remember and then leave out the ones I want to forget so bad.
That's why I can't tell you much about this,
but my mom still thinks I'm the most artistic of her two kids.
Always asking me to draw for her.
But I'm really not that girl anymore.
Awww.
I know right?
Then, it was the piano.
I can't even say this was what drew me to it.
I probably just woke up one Saturday morning and carried the keyboard in my house.
My passion for the piano, lasted for about 6 years, with several gaps of indefinite disinterest.
What about now?
Oh, I couldn't care less and besides, that dream is somehow tainted for me now, but let's not talk about that today.
Then, it was him.
I hate saying, "my first love", cause ew.
But it's true and I laugh everytime I remember this.
The flame flickered out as fast as it flared.
Honestly, I’ve had lots of love interests, learning languages, law, songwriting, photography, journalism, a genius scientist who spends all her days making researches and rotting in the lab.
I barely loose interest in people tho, I think that's good, right?
Yes, I guess.
Are you interested in anyone or anything now?
Yes, Pharmacy. I think I'm really going to be an adult that loves her job and one that is disgustingly good at it too!
But, forget Pharmacy.
My latest love interest in HIM.
Him? Another boy??
No, not him, HIM.
Stares in confusion, and wonders what the difference could be.
I met Him about 10 years ago.
Even, years before that, I've heard about Him
But that day in JSS1A class, I met Him.
And I didn't even know it.
No, I didn't fall in love with Him right there.
Hell, I didn't know what I was supposed to do with Him.
I just kept on living my life, I was just a girl after all.
My next encounter with Him, would be 8 years later, right here in my room.
It was such a beautiful encounter and till now, I knew that was the day the trajectory of my life changed.
Oh, wow. That's beautiful.
I'm not done, don't be wowed yet.
You see, this love story is one of patience.
I drew back from Him, countless times.
I approached Him in the same manner I approached all my other interests.
I'd get all fired up about our love, only for it to die down in tough times.
When the guilt from my past loves come back to haunt me, the only thing I could do was run from Him.
But, you know how they say His love chases people down.
It's very true.
He's that lover that loves and also teaches you how to love.
Sometimes, I ask what I must have done to deserve this kind of love.
The answer, I'm learning, is nothing.
Nothing? That's not possible.
Yes, nothing.
I didn't do anything to earn this love.
It's simply a gift, one that I can only receive.
All I had to do was, receive it.
In the end, it's not about deserving this love,
but about embracing it,
and letting it change me forever.
You know, the love of God can be so overwhelming at times. 90% of the time I cry in church, it's because I realize how much God carries me on His head. 😂His love is not even something I can understand. The day I wrote this. I was having a very bad day and at a point, I just realized that God loves me, even with all my unseriousness. I literally started laughter right there in my bed, ‘cause tbh, I'm a very unserious Christian right now.
I don't think I like the end of this piece. I might make changes later in the future.
I realized in a bible study service last month, that it's been 10 years since I “gave my life to Jesus” and while this is a very good thing, at the same time I also realized that, I've often approached my relationship with God with this fleeting enthusiasm and commitment, that I approach other passions and interests with. A lot of things have happened within that 10 years and if anyone asks me sef, I'll tell them I properly found God late last year.
But, in all, I really want my love for God to be more than just a fleeting feeling. I want it to be a steady flame that guides me through life's ups and downs. I don't want to love Him only when I feel like doing it. I want to love Him when it doesn't even make sense to do so.
The sweet thing about God ehn? He's teaching me how to do this. Steadily putting things and people in my way to let me know that I can become better at loving Him. Haew, see love.
Sometimes, I don't like the way I am. I absolutely hate how I lose interest very fast but who knows?Perhaps, my tendency to lose interest easily is a reflection of my heart searching for meaning and purpose. Maybe all I’ve been doing these years, is trying to find my way, to quiet the restless longing in my soul, you know, like the yearner that I am.
Well, I've discovered that the love I've been searching for has been patiently waiting for me. And though I've stumbled and faltered, I'll stay here, in this place of surrender, as a wandering heart, but one that's finally found its way home.
God is Home.❤️
God is indeed home.