The thing about being left behind.

It's a different kind of grief.

I thought of so many ways to start this letter.

Well, I think we should start somewhere.

From the very beginning.

That fateful Sunday morning in 2019 when I couldn’t access my exam results like everyone else. They told me my results had been withheld. And I didn’t understand what that meant. Withheld? For what? As how?That Sunday, I went to church and cried, like, really cried. Even now, six years later, I remember it vividly. My friend, Praise called me before I even left for church. Or did I call him? I don’t quite remember. But I do remember getting to school on Monday, him hugging me, telling me everything would be fine. I remember everyone else, some happy, some disappointed with their scores. Me? nothing.

At first, I didn’t fully grasp what was happening. Maybe I was in denial, waiting for something to change. I kept checking my results, thinking, They will release it. They will release it. And then, slowly, it sank in.One by one, people moved on. Someone got into a private university. Then another. But I wasn’t really alone, some of us returned to JAMB lessons together, so it didn’t feel like I was the only one left behind.

Then, I wrote JAMB again. I applied to OAU. No apologies, but that school is one big time-waster. People were so sure I’d get in. I wrote JAMB in 2020. Can you believe I didn’t resume school until 2022? That’s how bad it was. And sometimes, I wonder—should I have written another JAMB in 2021 instead of waiting for that stupid university? But at that point, everything was a blur. And then there was COVID.

When I finally got into ABUAD in October, I was 18. My first birthday there, when I told people my age, their reactions shook me. Oh my God, wow, you’re so old! That was my first reality check—bro, you’re old.No offense to my classmates, but back then, they were kids. And I think that shaped how I saw a lot of people in 100 level. Some things some people did, I’d just think, Where is this child from?😂😂

But I made friends. And honestly, despite all my complaints about ABUAD or Pharmacy College, I love that place. Because, for the first time, I didn’t feel out of place. People knew me. I knew people. And that mattered, so much. In 100 level, I made just a few friends in my class, and I just kind of shut everyone else out. Not entirely, but I wasn’t really open to making new connections, to avoid see finish.

I’ve moved past that now sha. I love my classmatesssss.🤭

But let’s pause here for a second and talk about why I’m really writing this letter.

In January or December, I’m not sure anymore, I sent a message to someone from my secondary school. I usually text people randomly, especially at the end of the year, you know just checking in. This time, it was someone who had helped me a lot spiritually in 2024, and I felt like I needed to say thank you.

Till today, they haven’t replied.

This was someone I laughed with, read with, shared memories with. If you even asked me about this person, I’d say we were friends.And for a short while, I didn’t know how I feel about it.

This made me realize something. I always say I’ve moved on from my past, and yes, I have. I don’t even think about secondary school reunions—no offense, but I’m genuinely not interested. But this? This was the nail in the coffin. I get it now.

Faith, you are behind. Like, so much.

And that’s the thing about being left behind—it’s a different kind of grief. It’s not just about not being where you’re supposed to be, it’s about watching everyone else move forward without you. Seeing your friends go off to school together, attend classes together, make new memories together. And you’re just there, wondering, What could have been?

There’s also the feeling of being stuck. Because people don’t treat you according to your age, hey treat you according to where you are. And it’s not like I go around announcing, Hey, I’m 22. So to most people, I’m just a 300-level girl, same as them. I really don’t disrespect people, so when people talk down to me, it gets to me in ways I can’t even explain.

Honestly, I get it, this person is done with school. They’ve actually started their life. And me? I feel like a fake adult. That’s the thing about being stuck, I’m an adult, but I’m not living the life of one yet. So yeah, maybe I get why they’ve moved on. It makes sense.

But it also doesn’t make sense to me.

Because really, how much does it cost to just reply to a text?

I’ve tried to justify it. Maybe they forgot. Maybe they’re busy. But then, another part of my brain—probably insecurity speaking—whispers, They just don’t rate you anymore. Maybe they think they’re better than me.(Sounds pathetic, yeah I know.) Maybe they just don’t care.

But here’s the thing: I’m happy with my life. So much. I don’t think of myself as a failure. I never have. My story is a success story. And I’ve come to realize that life is all about timelines, and our timelines are different.

One lesson that has stuck with me is this:

God is not slow. God is not fast. God is timely.

That’s something I hold on to, till today.

Still, doesn't deny the fact that the feeling of being left behind hurts sometimes. Seeing people move forward, grow, do things, and wondering, What could I have been? Even though I love ABUAD—not the school oh, the people—it doesn’t erase that feeling of stuck-ness.

And then, there’s the whole marriage talk. Someone asked me last year, So, what do you think about marriage? Are you going to get married in school, because of your age? Or are you waiting?

And I was like, What?

I won’t lie, that question shook me. Because why do you people think about marriage so much? Some of these people are way younger than me, and they’re already planning weddings. Me? I barely even think about it.

I told the person I hadn’t given it much thought. But after that, I started thinking—Will I get married? Should I get married? When? But honestly? I think when we get to that bridge, we’ll cross it. Right now, my focus is finishing pharmacy school with excellent grades. That’s all I want. If love comes while I’m in school, fine. But getting married while I’m still here? Nah, definitely not.

I was talking about love with a friend before we came home for this break, and she said she has pretty much given up on finding love in ABUAD. She’s in a five-year course, already in her third year, and most people her age in that school are in their final year. By the time she’s in her fifth year, all the people around her age will have graduated. I hope you guys are getting the maths??😂

Regardless, marriage is one thing. It will happen when it happens. Obviously, I want to get married, but there’s so much I want to do first. And I wonder… will this feeling of being left behind come back when people my age start getting married? When it’s no longer about school timelines but life timelines?

Let’s wait and see.

Anyway, the whole point of this story is that I don’t feel like I’m in a race with anybody.

I’m writing this because the feeling of being left behind is something I don’t really talk about. Maybe my mind just decided not to dwell on it. Maybe it was too much to process. I don’t know.

But this—this person not replying to my text—felt like a reality check. It stung for a moment. But I think I’m over it now.

At the end of the day, I’m on my own lane. We all are. The sky is wide enough for birds to fly. Our timelines are different because we didn’t all start at the same time. And the obstacles on my path won’t be the same as someone else’s.

Life isn’t a relay race. It’s a marathon. And yes, marathons have winners, but for me, the goal is just to make it to the finish line. It doesn’t matter how long it takes—just that I get there.

Before I go, I just want to say something.

This is just by the way but, while writing this, I realized maybe I should start a podcast. I don’t know if people have the patience to read letters this long, but they might listen. Anyway, that’s a thought for another day.

What really matters is this:

If we were a group of 20 kids, some of us would inevitably be left behind. That’s just how life works. But what we’re often guilty of—without meaning to—is moving on and forgetting those still trying to catch up.

So, let’s make an effort. It doesn’t have to be anything big—just check in. Be sensitive. Stay emotionally aware. Reply texts. Life gets serious, yes, but a five-minute conversation, a simple Hey, how are you?—those things go a long way.

(And no, you’re not obligated to take my advice before someone comes for me.)

Thank you for reading this messy little letter, my love.

And remember: In God's eyes, you are not behind. You are exactly where you’re meant to be.

Till next week, if God wills.

I love you so much. Bye!

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you thought I was done?😏

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