The elephant in the room.

The anger in my heart.

a ticking time bomb,

waiting to explode

a brewing storm,

preparing to cause havoc

there's so much noise.

i want to scream

but my mouth is shut.

you tell me to let it go

you say it's going it eat me away

but i know i can't escape this misery

i'll always feel this way

because anger is a seed i hid in my heart.

i didn't forgive and it found roots.

i watered it with my fears

and with my fake smiles, i sunned it.

this tree has such a thick trunk now

what could uproot it?

---

I think there's something about periods when you're not in constant interaction with people that intensifies any emotion you're feeling. Happiness? Grief? Anger? Everything just feels too much because there's no one to really distract you from your mind. Please, tell me I'm not the only one that feels this way

For so long, I've had this anger in my heart and I had no idea what to do with it. To be honest, I didn't even know why I was angry. Recently, it has been one of my prayer points to God to heal my heart. Why I thought of that prayer? Only God knows, because while I could tell that I had a lot of things that I was holding onto in my heart, it didn't seem like that much of a big deal. I felt like I could just live with it but, I guess God was tired of looking at me being miserable.

Once upon a time, I used to think that I was the most expressive person in the universe, until I discovered that I was actually the chairman of suppressing emotions. I was actually very expressive for a while(few people can testify to this), but I guess it started feeling immature for me to always whine about my feelings to people. Another factor was my desire to appear “strong” in front of people. This one was owing to the fact that I’m always cautious of people seeing me as weak because of my small stature and soft demeanor.

Now that I think about it, that was very stupid of me sha, ‘cause who did my strongness help?😂😂💀

During the course of this week, I ranted to my friend about how I felt like I've had enough of how a particular person was behaving towards me. Guess what I discovered while doing that? I was so angry with this person and I didn't even realize until now. See, that's the thing with unresolved emotions, you won't even realize until later on, that you're trapped in that cycle of anger. This is not even a case of “forgive and forget” ‘cause all you’re doing is just ignoring your feelings. You didn't forget what they did and you haven't forgiven them either. I realized that those little things that I ignored didn't really go away, they just hid somewhere deep in my heart.

My friend, Faith, told me that whenever she doesn't feel good about what someone did and she doesn't speak about it, she'd feel like something was hurting her in her chest. It made so much sense to me! If you're someone that allows people get away with treating you badly, there's a high chance that you feel this way. See, that one time you felt you actually deserved better but you decided to let it go, a tiny seed was planted in your heart. It's very insignificant at first but my love, when it grows, it leads to bitterness and resentment.

Built- up anger is one of the most dangerous things on this life, because when that person snaps, it's really bad. That's why I'm writing this to you to today, allow yourself to feel and speak up!

There's a huge difference between controlling your emotions and totally suppressing them. I've said this before that, your emotions do not have you, you have them. This doesn't mean that you should ignore your emotions, it means you should acknowledge them, choose the best way to express them and learn to manage them. Most of the time, when you ignore emotions for too long, it leads to outbursts that might even make things worse for all the parties involved.(Speaking from experience.) Controlling emotions doesn't mean eliminating them; it means learning to navigate and express them in a healthy, constructive manner.

To make it simpler:

Suppression: "I won't think about this, and I won't feel anything." (avoidance)

Control: "I acknowledge my anger, and I'll take a few deep breaths to calm down before responding." (regulation)

Just like my late grandma would always say, “your silence will not help you” and as I read it in a book that I can't remember, “your silence will kill you.” You're not immature or weak for saying you didn't like how someone made you feel. If anything, you're the mature and strong one.

That ball of anger in your heart will only rid you of your happiness, let it go, speak up today and see how free you’ll feel. Think about it sef, how will the Holy Spirit dwell in a heart full of rage and unresolved emotions? Last time I checked, I don't think the spirit of God likes chaos.😂

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This wasn't what I was supposed write on this week but I was taking a break and I guess I lost track of time. (I was just being lazy, that was just a flimsy excuse.)If I started writing that letter at the time I started this one, it might have been a messy one.😹 But I sincerely hope that this was a good read.

My love, people keep subscribing to this letter and I just can't believe it. We're almost at 200 here. Thank you so much for reading and sharing!I get some reviews sometimes and all I can say, “Glory to God”.😂

Thank you for always sharing the gospel of Pieces of Chloe.You're amazing!

I hope that in the weeks to come, you’ll allow yourself to feel and speak up when you're supposed to. Till next week, bye!❤️