Self-sabotage is...

sitting on your wings and wondering why you can't fly.

i’ve listened to you tell stories

about your scars

they're always about the monster

how it lunged at you with it's sharp teeth

how you survived

how you were left with these scars

that line your thighs and back

it's always about how you want to heal

but there's something you never tell me

you tell me these stories but

something is missing

yes, you survived the monster but

what's this battle with yourself?

you really love to pick at those scars

don't you, baby?

deep down, you love the open wounds

you love it when it's fresh and weeping

soft and gooey

drops of tears escape your eyes but still

you pick at them

those wounds are screaming to heal

yet, here you are

armed with your silver blade

you open them

perhaps, you're trying to be in control

the monster doesn't always have to be at fault

you want to play that role

and take the blame this time around

set the stage for your own demise

you can do it too, right?

---

I know that the most common form of self-sabotage we all like to speak on is, doing things to push people away so that they can leave us, because that's what people always do, leave.

Right?

Well, I'm here to tell you that self-sabotage can also be:

•not asking for help.

•ignoring your needs and feelings.

•not telling your side of the story.

•not wanting to do things outside your comfort zone.(even when you want to.)

•knowing you need to improve but refusing to.

•making excuses for your bad habits.

•being lazy and procrastinating important tasks.

•staying in relationships that aren't good for your mental health.

•perfectionism.

•not having boundaries and people pleasing.

•rejecting praise/compliments.

•avoiding love, cause you think you don't deserve it.

•rejecting the love of God (This one ehn, biggest form of self-harm.)

See, I’ve been there and to be honest, I'm still a victim of some of these things. I know it feels like you're in control. I mean, you already know the end before any situation even begins, right? My dear, if anything, you're a slave to your thoughts.

God loves us too much and He wants us to be free. But healing is not automatic, my love. Flowers won't just start growing out of our wounds. That's not the kind of creature we are. We need to want to heal. We need to desire it. We need to work towards it. We need to be intentional about it. Be ready to let go of this illusion of control and take real control.

Your scars are the only proof that you survived, only if you let them heal.

It's romantic when they kiss scars in movies, right? Do you think anyone will kiss a wound that's open, deep and bleeding?

Stop picking at those scars, bae.

I was just going to send this poem and not say anything on it but I just couldn't. I really don't want to sound like a motivational speaker/writer but I really hope you get my point.

Thank you so much for reading and I hope that this coming week, you won't allow yourself stop you from healing and growing.❤️