Hii guys, how are you doing? How was this week for you? It has been exhausting and overwhelming for me. My mental health has taken a huge dip but I'm alrighttt! I hope you are too.
I hope you've thanked God today. If you haven't, please do.
There was a time in my life where I was people pleaser.¹ I liked my “friends” a lot and I could do literally anything for them, so they wouldn't get mad and stop being my friends.😂 Most times, doing these things actually affect me personally but I didn't mind. My mom was so worried that she asked me that why do I always do things that I can't do for myself for others? I think I was actually scared of being friendless.²
See, when I do things, I actually don't do them because I’m expecting you to do something in return. We’re friends, we have to do things for each other. It's a given. It's the sense of entitlement that I hate. Some people will actually get mad because you didn't do this or that for them, while they're very much aware that doing that thing will affect your personal plans. Is that not witchcraft?🤧 The funniest part is when you see them make efforts for their other friends. You’ll just keep wondering what you're doing wrong.
It's actually a very good thing to be intentional about your friends. I mean, how do you intend to keep your friendships if you don't make sacrifices? The problem is when people start taking advantage of you because they know you’ll always say yes to them. My roommate said “it’s a good thing when people know you’ll always be there for them if it's in your capacity but it's bad when they have the belief that you’ll always say yes to them. If you say yes to people everytime, it just means you don't have boundaries” and it’s just so real. Let people know that you're aware of how nice you're being to them, you're not a fool.
“The best people you can be with are those that you don't really have to do much with/for.
Wait.
Don't get me wrong, i know we have to make efforts and be intentional w our relationships or friendships, but then i think there's just something about people that just get you and your feelings towards them without doing too much. I think i might be talking from the perspective of someone that always has a low energy level. It's actually very exhausting for me to be w someone who wants to, let's say for example, be outside everytime. You'll actually think i don't want to spend time with you but my guy, i'm just tired. It's even worse these days, the smallest social interaction drains me and it's not even funny. Omo, if you have a friend that has a high energy level and he/she doesn't understand you, you might probably die of guilt and self-doubt, cause you might just start feeling you're a bad person.
You know your friend's love language abi? Do they know yours? Don't go and set yourself on fire because you want to keep another person warm oh, you'll burn and nothing will happen. I'm not saying you shouldn't show your friends you love them oh, it's just a very blissful thing when you don't always have to explain explain explain, fr.”
I wrote this last year because I realized that a lot of us are takers and not givers. We’re so comfortable with others giving up their time and energy for us but when it's time to reciprocate, we do the barest minimum. We want our friends to understand that we’re going through a lot but when it comes to understanding that they're also going through a lot, it's a problem.
If you're like this, change oh. You're not a good person.😘
If you have friends like this, if you can talk to them about this, please do. However, there are some situations, where for the sake of yourself and your mental health, you don't need closure, you should just avoid such a friend. It's not bad blood, you're just choosing yourself.
Regardless, you guys, don't go and become a toxic friend because you're choosing yourself. I didn't tell you to do that oh.😂 Love your friends and let them know that you do. Love them so much that they wonder why but in doing so be wise. The bible didn't tell you to love your neighbor more than your self. Let God guide you in your loving
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This coming week, I hope you'll let God guide you in your dealings with others. Till next week, bye my love!
*I think I'm still a people pleaser in a way sha, ‘cause I still find it hard to say no to people.😂
*I'm still worried about being friendless but I've decided to throw caution into the air and choose myself. Someone that's really my friend wouldn't leave me because I did something that's beneficial to myself, yeah?
*I think this was where my self- esteem issues started from. I mean, Jesus gave His life for me, why is it so hard for you, my friend, to give little of your time for me? Am I not good enough?
*I plan on tooting my own horn this year sha, ‘cause I've realized I don't give myself enough credit. I believe that I’m flawed, but I always have genuine intentions.🤭
*Have it at the back of your mind that as you’re planning to choose yourself, some of your friends are also planning to do the same. You have to deal with that. Don't take it personally.
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Wonderfully said.🥹❤️