Hi, my love.
How are you? How has your week been?
My week has been hectic because of exams—basically a battle between staying awake and sleep stealing me away. Some nights, I win. Other nights, sleep drags me under before I can even fight back. It’s such a cycle of exhaustion, and trying to convince myself that I still have time to figure things out.
This evening , I had a thought that wouldn’t leave me alone. I was in a study group meeting about an hour—don’t ask me what we were discussing, because I genuinely don’t remember, I wasn't even paying attention—when this question just hit me:
"Do I really do these things for God, or am I just afraid of what will happen if I don’t?"
At that moment, I just knew I had to write to you.
I tell myself that I live by certain principles because of God, because I love Him. But when I dig deeper, sometimes it’s not love that’s holding me to these things—it’s fear. Fear of consequences. Fear of the unknown. Fear of what might happen if I get it wrong. And it's even worse during this exam period.
Don't get me wrong, I don’t believe God is waiting to punish me for every misstep. No, I don’t think He’s petty or cruel. But it’s hard not to wonder—what if I fail and my failure is tied to something I did wrong? What if there’s a consequence I don’t see coming? People say everything happens for a reason, and I think that’s part of where this fear comes from. The need to control outcomes. The need to be good enough so nothing bad happens.
I also wonder if this fear, this anxiety, comes from the kind of environment I grew up in. You know, when you’re raised to always be conscious of everything, like people are just waiting for you to do something wrong(speaking as a pastor's keed). Even in parent-child relationships—especially in a typical African household—you know what happens when you make a mistake. If you do something wrong, the response isn’t always gentle correction. Sometimes, it’s immediate punishment.
And I think that kind of upbringing shapes the way I see God. It makes me overly cautious, like I have to be hyper-aware of every little thing I do because what if I get it wrong? But then, as I really think about it, I know God isn’t like that. He’s not waiting for me to slip up so He can punish me. Yes, I know I shouldn’t sin, but I also know my relationship with God shouldn’t be built on fear of Him punishing me if or when I sin.
But then, where does trust come in?
What does it look like to trust God beyond fear? To not constantly live on edge, making sure I do everything right so things don’t fall apart? I don’t know the full answer yet, but I want to find out. I want to believe that faith is more than walking on eggshells, afraid of what happens if I slip. I want to believe that I can trust God, not just because I don’t want to fail, but because I know He holds me—whether I succeed or not.
I think that’s the kind of faith I want. A faith that isn’t ruled by fear, but by love.
hey, hey,
before you go,
this letter is not a sign for you to live your life the way you want o.😂
remember, the fear of the lord is the beginning of wisdom.
be wise.🧏🏽♀️
Faith over fear 💚
Reminded me of when someone asked me... well it was a group conversation
"Are you serving God because you love him or because you don't want to go to hell?"
It hit. And it got me thinking.
But as God continued to show me more and more how wide and deep His love is, "fear-faith" became "love-faith."
And as a plus, if you're reading this and are afraid of hell, you don't have to.
Do you believe in Jesus as the one who can save you? As the only One who can wash your sins away and make you holy in God's sight?
If yes, then you're saved.
John 3:16 NLT
“For this is how God loved the world: He gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him *will not perish* but *have eternal life.*
Those who believe in Jesus will never perish, will never go to hell. This is the love of God.
Romans 3:22-25 NLT
[22] *We are made right with God by placing our faith in Jesus Christ. And this is true for everyone who believes, no matter who we are.*
[23] For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard.
[24] *Yet God, in his grace, freely makes us right in his sight. He did this through Christ Jesus when he freed us from the penalty for our sins.*
[25] For God presented Jesus as the sacrifice for sin. *People are made right with God when they believe that Jesus sacrificed his life, shedding his blood.* This sacrifice shows that God was being fair when he held back and did not punish those who sinned in times past,
Lol...This genuinely sounds like something I'll write, and I relate to this so well because my parents too are Pastors, too. Learning to love God from your heart and not from a place of fear just brings a certain kinda peace. And as you've said, this is not an encouragement to live in sin, Just learn to love God from your heart. The righteousness and holy living and every other thing flow from there.