Little Miss A for Attention.

13/30!

from the very start of history, people have noticed something strange about human nature: we’re full of contradictions. we can be both kind and hurtful, wise and foolish. why do we have these conflicting sides? why can we be capable of such deep love, yet also driven by urges that harm us or others? this mix of opposites seems to be a part of what makes us human.

philosophers, poets, religious leaders, and scientists have all tried to explain this. the ancient greeks, for example, believed that our mind, emotions, and desires are often fighting within us. many religious texts talk about a struggle between good and bad urges. even modern psychology describes our minds as being in constant conflict.

the contradiction that intrigues me the most is, how so many of us hate attention and being perceived, yet at the same time, we want to be seen. on one hand, we long for connection and understanding. we want to be recognized, to be truly understood, and to feel validated by others. but at the same time, we fear being noticed, judged, evaluated, or criticized. as my friend said tonight, “we don’t want people to even have any idea or thoughts about us.” it’s as if being seen is both comforting and terrifying.

so, why do we want to be seen but fear attention? why do we want to be noticed but feel uneasy when we are noticed?

jean-paul sartre, a philosopher, argued that when others observe us, we become objects in their minds—a concept he called "the gaze." he explained that when others look at us, we become fixed in their minds as something separate from who we actually are. it feels like a loss of control because they form ideas about us that might not match our own self-image. and for someone like me, who values being in control of how others see me, this can be very unsettling. it’s even worse when those ideas are completely wrong. in fact, i believe this is one of the things that makes me so anxious when it comes to relating with people. i want to know exactly what people think of me.

you know, i have a theory that people’s perceptions can fuel imposter syndrome. when we’re overly aware of how others see us, we might begin to hold back, avoiding risks that could reveal any perceived “gaps” in our abilities. this creates situations where we never fully test or express our capabilities, which reinforces the feeling that we’re “faking it” or “not good enough.” and also, when we’re surrounded by people we view as highly skilled or accomplished, we might assume they perceive us as less competent. even if they don’t feel this way, our perception that they might can fuel imposter syndrome.

and this leads me to another paradox: our desire to conform versus our desire to be unique.

we’re social creatures who find comfort in similarity. fitting in gives us a sense of belonging, a feeling that we’re part of something larger. but at the same time, each of us wants to stand out in some way. we don’t just want to be “one of many”; we want to be recognized for what makes us different. this drive to be unique is often what inspires our passions, our ideas, and the parts of ourselves we’re most proud of. yet, sometimes standing out can feel risky—like a spotlight we didn’t ask for.

once again, people’s perception adds to this inner conflict. we crave acceptance, and their approval reassures us that we’re not alone. but when we stand out, we risk being seen as “different” or even “difficult.” the need to fit into their expectations can make us question whether it’s worth the effort to be true to ourselves or if it’s easier to conform. and so, we feel torn between staying comfortably unnoticed and fully embracing what makes us unique, even if it means facing judgment or misunderstanding.

so, you see? little miss attention is such a double-edged sword. she can be so comforting, yet terrifying, especially when we’re misunderstood. maybe that’s why we are drawn to others but equally wary of them.

just wanted to show my oversized labcoat.

how does having people’s attention and the thought of how they see you make you feel? i’d love to know.

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i did a little bit of research on this topic, how did i do?🌚

also, my test went well, thank you for asking!

i really hope i’ll be able to write a short story before the end of this writing challenge, although it's looking like one writing block wants to hit me very soon. the devil is a liar sha.

see you tomorrow! ❤️