Help, I'm burnt out!

and the semester just started oh.

Hi, my love,

How are you doing? How is this week going for you?I’ve been thinking that I need to be more present on Substack, you know? I shouldn’t just be coming here to dump letters and disappear. I really want to do better with showing up on the app too. But, then social media has been really hard for me to keep up with. I can't even remember the last time I went on Twitter and I think that's very amazing, for someone that was obsessed months ago. I love love it this way sha, cause social media does more harm than good. It's like I got rid of so much noise from my head.

I need to be delivered from the shackles of TikTok tho.

took this picture at the pitch two days ago. God is THE artist!

This week started on a good note for me. It was a beautiful beginning- God surprised me(I'll talk about this some other time) but then everything went downhill, and I didn’t even see it coming. I got sick—again. I was also sick last week, and I just knew I needed to rest, so I took some time off yesterday. It was necessary. But today, I had to go back to college because I had two practicals lined up. I wasn’t feeling exactly great this morning, but I couldn’t afford to miss the dispensing lab. I mean, I always look forward to dispensing practical.

But, of course, everything that could go wrong did.

My lab practical was a mess—I worked very slowly which resulted in me getting low marks. I also broke a measuring cylinder, this was what actually made me shed tears today. Then the next lab hit me with a bad score from my last practical. It was frustrating—so frustrating. After all that, I just wanted to crawl into bed, but I knew I needed to take care of myself. I came back to my hostel, got food, and tried to process everything. I was feeling so low, sad, and exhausted. It’s hard when you put in effort and don’t see results. I hate hearing, “Unfortunately, you didn’t get the result you wanted.” It bothers me because I always want my hard work to pay off. Nothing like you won't always win here oh, I want to win every gaddem time.👍🏾

Sha, I tried to clear my mind by washing my clothes and my packs (If you don't wash pack, good for you oh.)I also arranged my corner a bit. Might sound weird, but it actually helped. A bit of routine, a bit of feeling productive. I’m a bit better now, but I can’t shake off the frustration completely. There’s still this weight on my chest—sadness, a bit of anger. I think it’s because of how much I value academic validation. I know it’s not entirely healthy, but I’ve always attached the most part of my self-worth to my grades. That's something I'm currently unlearning.

Honestly, I’m burned out, and the semester just started. I feel overwhelmed—like there’s too much to do and not enough time to breathe. So many places to be and I just want a break, even a short one, to catch my breath. Yet, I know that’s not possible right now. I just need to find a way to do all these things. So, I keep asking God to help me, to guide me through this. If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s confusion. I hate feeling lost or out of control, and right now, I feel both. Let's not even talk about how today's shenanigans just made me feel like a fraud that doesn't know what she's doing with her life.

I could really use all the strength and motivation in the world right now.

But, perhaps this is the season that I finally learn to let go and let God. To just trust God and let my life be in His hands. This doesn't mean I have to be careless with my life and just throw caution into the air. I just have to trust that God is always in control, even in situations when I don't understand what's going on.

One good thing, though: my reading goal for the year is still on track. I’m at book 31 out of 120(or maybe 32—I could confirm from my reader app, but I'm too lazy for that at the moment), and I’m really happy about that. At least, pharmacy school and 300level hasn’t taken reading away from me.

Lately, I've developed this new interest in sports. I'm not exactly sure where I want to direct it, but I just love the physical exertion that comes with sports. I love the adrenaline rush, and most of all, I love that it takes me out of my head for a while. I’ve started playing football—well, more watching than actually playing or training, to be honest—but it’s something new that I’m curious about. Even cheering my teammates on gives me so much joy.

Writing is another thing entirely. I keep reminding myself to let God guide that too. I’ve been thinking about how I shouldn’t try to continue in the flesh what started in the spirit- I heard this in church and it stuck with me since then. My writing is a gift, and I don’t want to forget that it’s not just mine—it’s God’s work too. Even when I’m writing fiction or poetry, I know it’s deeper than just words on a page.

I have a test tomorrow afternoon and I'm very underprepared. Very unmotivated even, but I just have to do what I have to do, I guess.😀

Thank you for sticking with me through this letter, my love. I’m sincerely grateful for every single one of you who reads these words. It means the world to me.

You'll hear from me on Saturday, God willing!

Bye!❤️