God said ease.

But things hard die!

I'm not sure how I'm supposed to start this letter or what to even write, as a matter of fact. I’ve been so carried away by resumption and other related things, to the extent that I was in shock when I realized that today was Friday and I have to send you a letter tomorrow. Oh God, what should I write? It's almost 11pm and sleep dey my eyes like mad.

I have a lot of things on my mind but my head is soo blank for words.I think I'm starting to get anxious about this 300 level. I don't even know if it's about the academics part, but I just know there's this feeling in my chest that I don't like.

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It's 11:20 right now and I think I know exactlyyyy what to write about!

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I was having a discussion with my friend sometime last week and I mentioned how I have come to a realization that there's no giant inside me and that I'm just being helped by God. It's making more sense to me right now. You know, one thing I have learnt in this my not so straightforward walk with God is that sometimes, He tells or teaches us some things not for the present, but for future purposes.

There was this bible verse and quote that caught my attention few years back.

Acts 4:13 TPT

[13] The council members were astonished as they witnessed the bold courage of Peter and John, especially when they discovered that they were just ordinary men who had never had religious training. Then they began to understand the effect Jesus had on them simply by spending time with him.

The conclusion I drew from this verse back then was that, the only thing that made the disciples special was that they were with Jesus. So, my favorite quote at the time was "God is the extra to my ordinary." I think it was on my WhatsApp bio for a while.

Fast forward to three weeks ago, I saw a video from Min. Ebele Light. She was talking about how churches bring up different programs to spur up people's self esteem. I can't go back to check for that video right now 'cause my school's network is very poor but if I remember correctly, she said "they're telling people to wake the giant in them instead of pointing them to the holiness of God". I don't think she said it exactly like this sha, but in that video, she was trying to tell us to connect our self-esteem to the holiness of God sha. Immediately, I heard that part, I was reminded of that verse!

Now, let's take a little trip back to the beginning of this year.

I was super excited for this year at the beginning. Those that were around me would know.I didn't even understand why, but it was just like I knew there was something different about this year.For the first time in my life, I got a word for the year, personally. The word was "ease" and it just made me so relaxed. I mean, as I don hear ease, make everything just dey smooth dey go.

But guess what? This year, from the beginning up till now, has been every other thing but easy. When I tell you that I've been struggling, believe me my love, I am struggling.

How does this relate to what I was saying before? You relax nau. Calm down.

The mistake I did after getting this word was thinking that everything would go on smoothly and I wouldn't have to do too much. I had goals, so I thought, “yes, this is my time to shine.” First semester results came out and the way I was disappointed.

In my head, I was like: “But Abba Father, you said…” I almost had trust issues, hehe.

Now, that I think about it, looking at how this year has been so far, this year being a year of ease could have actually meant that God will empower and help me to do difficult things with ease. This actually makes a lot of sense, 'cause this year, bruh, I've actually done difficult things. Things that I would've never imagined myself doing in years, 'cause what strength do I really have?

After writing my second semester exams, I kept talking about trusting God but I didn't even understand the implication untill my results came out. I had narrow escape A’s in some courses and I just knew that, that was God. I couldn't have done that, ‘cause what were the chances really?

Mind you, the difference between first semester and second semester wasn't that I didn't read or work hard in first semester oh. It was that I did more in second semester. See, the way God planned my second semester ehn. That was when I understood the meaning of the gift of men. God really helped me and despite all my efforts, He still helped me to lean on Him. After using up all my energy and tactics, He made me realize that He was still my only option, not the pages I’ve crammed or the “men I trust.”

My love, the point of this story is, I don't know about you, but when it comes to me, there's really nothing special about me like that, except for God. Remove me from Him and I'm just another tiny speck of dust in the universe.

God is really the extra to my ordinary.

And honestly, learning this has been such a beautiful way to build my trust in God. It just makes so much sense to trust God when you realize that even the little strength or smartness you think you have is from Him and is all part of His sovereign plan, whether you like it or not. What's really the point in trying to do things yourself?

I'm starting my third year in Pharmacy school next week and honestly, it feels like I'm entering uncharted territories. I’ve never been here before, so I'm panicking seriously. How am I going navigate my books, loving God and matters of the heart, all at the same time? Haew.

Anyways, I’ve decided to just let God do His thing. I’ve decided to trust and let Him cook, ‘cause I know He's good and His plans for me are good! I know trusting Him is going to be very difficult on some days and it might seem delulu to some people. But who knows? Maybe the exploit God wanted me to perform with ease this year was trusting Him.