Generational trauma.

This is how it starts

I think about love a lot these days.

Not necessarily boyfriend and girlfriend love, my dear, I know that look on your face.

I've been thinking about the love of God, how parents love their children and all other forms of love you can think of.

Well, I think it's a given, with the way I've been reading books since last week. I read 499 pages yesterday. Funnily enough, the books I've been read aren't necessarily romance books. One was even a psychological thriller.

One thing I have realized while reading these books is that most people can't differentiate between love and manipulation. And before someone says “is it not function?”, art imitates life, most times.

Take a look at this.

This made a lot of sense to me, that I almost screamed when I saw it.

Many of us love the way we have been loved. And I think it's easier to receive the kind of "love" we've been used to. The kind of love we think we deserve. Not everyone is ready to unlearn unhealthy patterns and habits and I think it's a big problem. As a matter of fact, most of us even think those methods of "love" are the right/ normal ones. Once we aren't used to it, it's weird.

By the way, this doesn't only apply to parent-child relationships, before someone thinks I'm coming for their parents.💀

Take this for an example. Martha, who has been a people-pleaser all her life and has been surrounded with friends that take advantage of that trait, finally makes a new friend, Sara. Sara, unlike Martha's old friends, now tries to stop her from ignoring her personal needs and tells her to take care of herself too. As a retired people-pleaser, I can tell you for sure, Martha will most definitely think Sara is weird or maybe she doesn't even like her like that.

If you can't relate to this, I'm really happy for you!😔

See, this is why sometimes, the thought of liking someone or being in love, sounds very scary to me. I look at myself when I get lost in these thoughts and ask, "are you even mature enough to know when something is love and when it is manipulation?" Because this life ehn. You'll think you've grown and some things can never ever happen to you.

Like Justin Bieber said, NEVER SAY NEVER.

Where am I going with this my chaotic ahh story?

In your dealings with people, let God lead you.

As a matter of fact, ask God for the Gift of Discernment.

Tell Him to teach you to be able to recognize unhealthy patterns.

Ask Him to guide you not to accept that "love" just because it feels normal.

Work on your self- your mind, most especially.

I know we're in Nigeria, but if you can, go to therapy and get help. I'm speaking from experience, when I say this, most of us need help. I know wetin my eyes don see this year.😂

And most importantly, ask Him to heal you from past hurt and trauma, so you won't pass it on to others. Most people hurt others, because they've been hurt one way or another.

This one's very important, because na so generational trauma dey take start.