Currently...V!💕

Another messy yap sesh.

Hi, my love.

It's 8:56 PM.

I’m currently lying on my bed as I write this. I resumed school on Monday, and so far, I’ve been alone in my room since my roommates haven’t returned. It’s been an interesting experience—quiet, peaceful. I think I wouldn’t mind living alone after school.

There was hail today. Actual ice falling from the sky. I have never seen it in my life, and it made me feel so excited, like a child. And that’s something I deeply cherish about myself—that regardless of what life has thrown my way, I haven’t lost my childlike awe. The way I find joy in the smallest things, how excited I get over moments others might overlook—it’s one of my favorite things about me.

Lately, I’ve been in retrospect, realizing just how much I’ve grown. The way I think, the way I approach life, the way I handle things—it’s all so different from before. And I’m grateful. Grateful to God, grateful for the people in my life who have helped shape my perspective. It’s a nice feeling, really.

I've also been wondering if I’m too much in the way I express myself. I mean, obviously, that’s what my last two letters were about. Earlier this week, I was bombarding my friend with TikTok videos, and for a moment, I paused and thought, Am I overdoing this? But I’m grateful for them because they never make me feel weird about it, anyway.

Lately, I’ve been learning more about attachment styles. I’ve always known that mine is anxious-avoidant—leaning more toward the anxious side. But I recently learned that you can actually have different attachment styles for romantic relationships versus friendships, and honestly, that makes so much sense.

I also realized that being an anxious attacher plays a role in why I feel the need to constantly show people that I care. Like, maybe if I don’t, they’ll forget. Or maybe I feel I have to earn their love by doing those things. And then, as if on cue, I always find myself attracting avoidant people.

Someone said something that stuck with me about this dynamic: in a connection between an anxious attacher and an avoidant attacher, both people end up neglecting the needs of the anxious one. Because the anxious attacher keeps pushing, wanting to be close, to be reassured. But the avoidant attacher needs space—more space than the anxious attacher can comfortably give. So the anxious attacher’s needs never truly get met either.

And honestly, that reminded me of something Gracious always tells me—about how you have to take care of yourself first. About how no one else can do that for you.

If you're haven't, find out what your attachment style is, today.🧏🏽‍♀️

Something feels… off. I don’t know what it is. I can’t quite place it, but it’s there—lingering, unsettling. And then there’s the part that actually scares me—I feel like I’m slipping back into old habits, habits I fought so hard to let go of. I can’t afford to go back. I won’t go back. I’ve been crying out to God for days because I need His help now more than ever.

There’s this deep yearning inside me, this ache, like there’s a void in my chest that needs to be filled. And I know—I already know—that only God, only through His Spirit, can truly fill it. But how? How does it happen? I’m literally on my knees, begging, Please, I don’t want to feel this way. I need this void to be filled. I just know I can’t keep feeling like this.

I deactivated my Snapchat account and it felt like I just eliminated one source of noise from my life. Social media is very unhealthy!

I discovered Slipping Through My Fingers by ABBA, and listening to it made me realize that the fear of growing up goes both ways. Parents watch their children become independent, feeling a mix of pride and quiet sorrow. And as children, we watch our parents age, understanding, in a way we didn’t before, what that means. It’s a strange, inevitable cycle—beautiful yet heartbreaking.

I think if I have another chance at life, I’m actually going to study literature. The kind that makes you dig into the old canon classics, like Lord Byron, Homer’s Iliad and Odyssey. I’m currently obsessed with Greek mythology and it’s like my brain is stuck on one thought: These gods... if humans didn’t pay them attention, would they even be who they are? Because honestly, Zeus and Apollo? They’re so funny. They’re always meddling, always sticking their noses into human business. It’s almost like they thrive on being acknowledged. I guess that's why they can never be like my Jehovah, the true and only God.

My current read is a book about Hera(Zeus’ wife) and I learnt that she was actually SA’d by Zeus. Typical Zeus, if you ask me, and I think it's very funny audacious of him to still go ahead and ask her to marry him. The guy no dey fear???

Coincidentally, all the books I’ve been reading since the start of this women's history month have been about women. I promise you, I didn't plan it.I purposely didn't write anything on women's day, cause honestly, there was nothing exciting about it.

Finally, I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I’ve been sleeping like a pregnant woman. I’m always tired. Maybe my body knows what’s coming and is forcing me to rest before the semester fully kicks off. I mean, it’s about to go down (or up, ijn).

Currently, I’m alone in my room, watching Love in the Big City. It has a book, but I haven’t read it yet. I’m not done with the movie, but it’s beautiful. I’m eating bread I was planning to save for tomorrow, and I think it’s very funny. Anyway, I think God will provide. I know God will provide tomorrow’s bread. That’s why we pray for our daily bread. A random stranger called me “Pieces of Chloe” today and I felt so happy.

Right now, words can’t fully express how I feel. But I think that’s the good thing about having a Father like God—He understands the yearning of my heart, even when all I can do is whimper and groan.