'24.

We made it, scars and all.

Hello Siri, play me "D2D" by Anendlessocean.

Hi, my love, how are you? How has this year been for you?

It's been a while since I started a letter like this, I know.

First, I just want you to know that you, my love, are a very important part of this year for me. I don’t think I would have pushed through this year without your presence. You might think, “Oh, she’s just sugarcoating this, just saying things to, you know, make me feel happy.” But I’m really, really serious. Your presence, having you here, was the best thing that happened to me this year. Thank you for always reading. Thank you for always being here.

So, for me, 2024 was—well, I would like to say unpredictable, but it wasn’t. Because I sort of knew this year was going to be my year, to be honest.

I knew it. I was very excited. I had been such a long time since I’ve felt that kind of excitement, so I knew this year was going to be different.

At a point, while I was being all excited for the new year, at some point, I felt like, “Can you please calm down? it’s not that serious—it’s just a new year.”

I mean, I knew that the new year doesn’t automatically change things. But still, something deep inside me just kept saying, You need to be intentional. You need to write what you want. Plan your year.

And I did. I wrote it all down. I can’t explain it, but I wish I could snap a picture of my journal. God is good. That’s just what I can say. God has been so good. Everything I wrote, every word I got, everything I prayed for, everything I saw in my mind for this year—it came to pass. I’m just so grateful to God.

I started the year with a new mindset. Like I said earlier, I just had this strong feeling that 2024 wasn’t going to be ordinary. I knew it was going to be my year, so I decided to be very intentional about it. I created mood boards, set goals, and prepared myself in every way I could.

There was also resumption, it came with mixed feelings—both anxiety and excitement. I was anxious because I’d be away from home for six months. And I had to leave my mom. It was so hard for me. She had just lost her sister, and I was so scared for her.

Yesss, my Substack. I started it in January, feeling very afraid. "What if I become inconsistent?" I asked myself so many times. But I poured my heart into it, God helped me and it grew in ways I didn’t expect. I think I grew through my writing this year. Watching it grow throughout the year has been such a fulfilling experience. Writing has been my outlet, and the journey has been incredible.

February was all about exams. Honestly, it was tough. I spent most of my time reading and writing tests, and at some point, I felt like I wasn’t doing enough. Especially with Physiology, oh God. The pressure was intense, and I doubted myself a lot.

Something good came out of February—I discovered that studying with people could actually help me. I don’t know why I didn’t try it earlier, but it really made a difference for me.

March was… somehow. Nothing much really happened. Second semester started, and I was still feeling very anxious. I knew I couldn’t let the anxiety consume me, so I made a decision: that semester, I would start reading from the very beginning. No waiting, no procrastinating—I started early.

Even though I was scared and unsure of myself, I kept going. It was a test for me, but I knew I had to push through.

April was tough, hehe. First semester results came out, and I was so disappointed. Honestly, it broke me. I wanted to cry, and I did. I took several walks to clear my head, but the disappointment stayed with me. I was feeling so many emotions, and it was overwhelming.

Looking back, I realize that April was a turning point for me. Even though it was hard, it made me reflect on what I wanted and how I could do better moving forward.

May came, and I locked in. That’s the best way to describe it—I locked in completely. I was reading, reading, reading. I was so determined to prepare for second semester exams, and nothing was going to distract me. It felt like I was finally putting my all into it, and that focus kept me going. May wasn’t about anything else but preparing. I knew what was coming, and I wanted to be ready.

June was… hell. Exams started, and I was pushed to my limits. To be honest, I was losing my mind. I relied on an unhealthy amount of coffee just to stay awake, and it took me a really long time to recover from the burnout.

But despite the chaos, there was something special about June. It might sound strange, but the reality is that June holds some of the best days of this year for me. Even in the madness of exams, there were moments of joy and connection that stood out.

After the exams, the holiday came, and I thought I’d finally breathe.

July was chill, for the most part. I spent a lot of time helping my mom at her school, which felt good. It kept me busy and gave me a sense of purpose. I started 100DOD and it was a beautiful journey, learning about God, Christianity and everything in between.

But towards the end of the month, things shifted. It was the first anniversary of my late aunt’s passing, and it hit me hard. I crashed. Everything just went downhill from there. My mood changed completely, and I couldn’t shake the heaviness.

August was... meh. That’s the only way I can describe it. I was just existing, not really feeling much. But then, my second semester results came out, and they turned everything around.I got a 5.0 GPA, and honestly, it was the best moment of my year. It wasn’t even about the validation; it was about reassurance—proof that all my hard work hadn’t been for nothing. It gave me hope and reminded me, that I wasn't a fraud.

September came, and it was time to resume school. I was excited to see my friends again and to start 300 level, but there was also this pressure. I could feel it building up, and it was hard to ignore.Despite that, seeing my friends made it all worth it. Being back with them after the break felt so good, and it gave me a sense of comfort in the middle of all the chaos.

I also went on a personal retreat in September-phone fasts and all. You know how they say, “sometimes the prayer you’re praying now is for the future”? It's the absolute truth, my love. Pray!

October was rough.

I felt lost—completely lost. I kept asking myself, “What am I doing? This 300 level, what am I doing?"It was like I couldn’t find my footing, and it scared me. But in the middle of all that confusion, I started to reflect on the people in my life. That month, I realized just how important it is to have a solid support system. It’s something I’ll never take for granted because it kept me going when I felt like I was losing myself.

November came, and it was a mixed bag of emotions. It was my birthday month, but I was still going through it emotionally. I felt anxious—very anxious—and I was dealing with so much internally

.

When my birthday finally came, it was a moment of reflection for me. I realized that, despite everything, I had so much to be thankful for. I was surrounded by love, and it reminded me of the little joys that make life meaningful.

But even with all that gratitude, November was heavy. I was still processing a lot and trying to stay afloat. It was in November that I had the most doubts about people's intentions and it made me so anxious, my God. I think my mind was waging a serious war against me.

I came home for the holidays and I've been resting. December has always been significant for me, and this year was no different. I couldn’t help but think about past Decembers and compare them to who I am now. The growth was undeniable, but it came with its own weight. This December, something I’ve always wanted came true—I was chosen to serve on an academic committee.

Looking back on everything, 2024 has been a year of growth and learning.From the excitement and goals I set at the beginning of the year to the highs and lows(mostly lows, to be sincere) that came with each month, I’ve learned a lot about myself, about the people I hold dear, and about the world around me.

This year, the Holy Spirit was my guide. He taught me so much about myself, the importance of hard work, the value of a strong support system, and how to navigate grief. This year was filled with challenges, but it taught me resilience, self-compassion, and the strength of those who truly have your back. I learned how to ask for help and, most importantly, that life won’t always be easy if I don’t learn to set boundaries.

I'm really grateful for the gift of this year and I look forward to having another beautiful year like this, with you and with God.

Thank you for always being here, ml.

You’ll still hear from me one more time, before the year runs out, dw.😚